Emma's Reign of Terror
by Flashback From The Future
Summary: When Chiron is called to Olympus for an emergency meeting, he leaves Camp in the "trusty" hands of his old friend, Emma. Emma, however, has drastically different views on how to run a camp. Will anyone survive the week without getting bitten by her pet snake or getting shot with a pistol? Set 2 months after Percy dissappears.
1. Chapter 1

"Children, settle down." Chiron called, over the sea of heads. "Children!" He stamped his hoof. "CHILDREN! I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE!" Okay. Now he had most of their attention. "I have been called to Olympus for an emergency meeting about Gaea. Because I'll be gone for about a week, I've arranged for one of my oldest friends to watch you instead. She'll be arriving tomorrow. Any questions?"

Connor Stoll raised his hand.

"Yes, Connor?"

"Wait, you're friends with a girl?"

Chiron closed his eyes and wondered why he took this job. "Yes, Connor. You're all dismissed."

* * *

Early the next morning, Chiron was drinking his coffee in peace. "Ahh.." he sighed. There was nothing like piping hot decaf to cheer him up.

There was a sound like a door opening, and then the sound of someone walking towards the kitchen. "Emma! How nice to see you again!" Chiron smiled warmly.

The thirteen year old just glared at him. "Skip the bull****, Chiron."

Chiron sighed. She was just as insufferable as when he had first met her. "I hope you can deal with all of them. They're getting very annoying. In fact, this emergency meeting may be just the break I need."

"I don't care if you go to the Bahamas instead." Emma said.

"I might just do that." Chiron sighed wistfully.

* * *

"Wow, they all look like zombies." Emma stared at the lines of children trudging into the dining hall for breakfast.

She was drinking out of a thermos instead of actually eating anything, and as usual she had her long black hair braided down her back. Her eyes were almost a normal green by day, but in the cold, almost gray light of the morning it looked more like she had traffic lights in her eyes. She was wearing a shirt that said: 'Rhinoceros Rule' in Ancient Greek and a North Face jacket and Puma sweatpants.

"Okay, so Chiron, who do I have to look out for?" Emma stared at the kids who were basically sleepwalking to the Breakfast Bar.

"For starters, the Stoll kids over there, well, actually you may just watch out for the entire Hermes Cabin. And if you make the Athena cabin angry, you might as well run for your life to a nuclear bunker. And I know you don't like Aphrodite kids, but watch out especially for Drew and Piper, if you don't want to end up doing something embarrassing."

"Charmspeakers?" She asked. Chiron nodded.

"Any curfew rules or anything?"

"All younger children are to be in bed by 9:00, and older children by 10:00. There will be no games of truth or dare, no use or possession of drugs or alcohol for any reason, no parties, no leaving the grounds unless they check with you first, no unreasonable pranks, and no public displays of affection of any kind."

"Sounds good to me!"

Most of the children were in their seats by now, so Chiron decided to give his announcement. "Children." No one looked at him. "CHILDREN!" People kept on with their conversations.

Emma stood up and dug through her bag. The campers were too tired or too immersed in their conversations to notice until she walked up to the nearest table, which happened to be the Aphrodite table, and swung the bat down, splitting the entire table in two.

Then she calmly walked back to Chiron's table and started drinking from her thermos, as if nothing had happened.

"Well, er, it seems you've met your new camp director, Emma." Chiron said in a weak voice. "I'll be leaving in two hours, if anyone needs me I'll be in my room."

* * *

Emma had moved all of her stuff into an empty room on the third floor of the Big House. She had gone to see Chiron off, and now she was sitting boredly (is that even a word?) on the front porch of the Big House, sipping from her thermos and sketching a picture of a sad-looking blonde haired girl on the other side of the porch who looked like she was doing some sort of crazy-hard Sudoku puzzle.

Emma was so bored she decided to interact with people. She sighed and got up from the corner she had been sitting in and bounded down the steps toward where all those stupid looking buildings were. She decided to stake them out in case she ever felt the need to rob the inhabitants. There were two big ones on the end that looked uninhabited, so she started there, taking careful notes on each unoccupied cabin.

She was sitting on a useful bench, rereading her notes and drinking from her thermos, when she heard a suspicious giggle. Carefully folding her notes, she walked toward the direction of the sound.

It appeared to be coming from a horridly pink cabin that looked like a Barbie ™ house. She gently shoved open the door and took a quick peek inside. Three girls were gathered around another girl who looked at Emma with a look that said she was there against her will.

"First, we'll start with washing your hair!" One of the other girls said. Ohh, yay, makeovers.

Emma walked back to her bench to find it had been taken by a nice-looking young man with military style blonde hair and a scar on his lip and who appeared to be his girlfriend. They were just sitting on the bench together, doing nothing but enjoying each other's company. She sighed and watched them warily. Then the young man moved his arm, and she saw the Roman tattoo on his arm. She had seen this guy before, somewhere. She just stared at him, trying to place his features, until they noticed her staring at them and looked very uncomfortable. Emma just took a big swing from her thermos and walked away, intent on finding something else to do.

She found herself on the porch of the Big House, maybe a couple feet away from the sad-looking girl. She stared at Emma like the Roman guy had, uncomfortably. "Do you want something?"

Emma just looked at her. "No, not really. But I am very bored. Do you know of anything fun I could perhaps do?"

The sad girl blinked. "Not really," She didn't have time to say anything else before a scream ripped through the air.

"STOLL!" a girl's voice yelled.

"Annabeth! Hide me!" a boy with a big toothy grin and curly hair cried, diving under the swinging chair Annabeth was sitting in. Emma recognized him as the older of the Stoll brothers, what was his name? Travis?

A girl with long brown hair in a high ponytail marched up onto the porch and growled at the boy under the chair. Then she grabbed his leg and dragged him away. Emma followed them, curious, and they led her to a tall flagpole on which hung… women's underwear. Emma sighed, sure that Chiron had said something about inappropriate pranks in his list of rules, but she just couldn't remember. This was going to be a LONG week.

* * *

Whee! All done! I don't care if you review or not, but It's ok if you do. The character Emma was based on my twin sister, Olivia, who seriously said "Skip the bull****" to a teacher on the first day of school. It was sooo embarrassing!

~Maggie


	2. Chapter 2

Emma stomped over to the girl and the Travis kid, who appeared to be having some trouble getting along. From what she could see, it looked like the girl, whose name was apparently Katie, thought Travis was *insert colorful language here*. She seemed ready to pull a knife on the poor kid.

Emma had decided to separate them for all their sakes, because if Chiron came back and saw that his campers had become murderers, he would surely not be happy.

Emma shoved Travis from behind so that he lost his balance and fell on top of the girl named Katie. Then she laughed mockingly and went to find something better to do.

She decided to take a quick stroll through the woods, whistling as she went.

* * *

By the time she got back it was time for lunch. Since Emma hadn't eaten since the times of Ancient Rome, she decided to just sit at the table acting like she knew what she was supposed to be doing.

She remembered Chiron telling her the beads on someone's necklace were symbols of their seniority, so she decided to steal one. She hid underneath the tables where the nymphs served food and jumped out at the twenty-fifth pair of legs she saw, which belonged to the Roman guy from earlier.

"GRAAAHH!" She yelled, making to grab the beads that hung around his neck. But there weren't any. "Dagnabbit! This was all for nothing! Stupid Romanses! Gollum!"

Every single person in the entire dining hall looked very uncomfortable.

The inhabitants of the camp pretty much avoided her for the rest of the day, and at the end of the day she was glad to go to bed and avoid them too.

* * *

Emma was woken in the middle of the night by laughing. The alarm clock read 11:45, but Emma slowly peeled herself from the bed and went to see whatever the hell it was now.

She shoved open the door to a second-floor bedroom and discovered at least fifteen demigods playing truth or dare.

There was Travis and his stupid brother, Connor, the Roman guy, his girlfriend, Annabeth, Katie, an Ares girl, her boyfriend, an anorexic-looking 12 year old boy who looked like a Goth, a girl with spiky hair, a girl with crazy red hair, and an impish Latino boy who appeared to be on fire. Emma growled.

"Not everyone wants to stay up all night listening to people have fun, okay, small ones?! I thought all of you except the small anorexic one had to go to bed at 10."

"Are you drunk?"

"No, Connor, I am not drunk. Go to bed and I'll forget to make you write your names down."

"I AM NOT ANOREXIC!"

"Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, kid."

* * *

By the time the next evening rolled around, Emma had decided to run the camp her way, because Chiron's way was full of flaws. She had had to deal with burning cabins and unhappy five year olds that wanted their mommies that day, and she did not want to deal with it again. She would just sit on her porch and be a lonely, sad person, or she could whip these wusses into shape like in Sparta. Yes… she thought. Sparta…

Luckily, Emma was not a stranger to Sparta. She had lived there during its glory days. And she needed something to threaten people with, if she was going to become the temporary dictator of Camp Half-Blood. A giant pit? No.

Wait… Emma had a fifteen foot-long pet snake named Scipio! He would work perfectly… She would have to keep him from eating the innocent ones, though, but she would cross that bridge when she came to it.

She decided to write up some new rules:

1. No PDA

2. Curfew for all pupils will be five o'clock pm

3. No leaving the grounds _at all_

4. No parties

5. No loud playing of 'Gangham Style'

6. No Disobeying of the rules

7. No arson of public buildings

8. No missing your mother

9. There will be no pantsing

10. No drinking of hot chocolate for any reason

Emma was satisfied with her new rules, and only needed Dictator-type clothing. She decided to just wear a crown instead of a full-body dictator outfit. She had iris-messaged her sister, and Scipio was coming in a day. She laughed evilly. Her grand plan was coming together very well…

* * *

Chiron was (and had been) in a very boring meeting about how to save the world. Everyone was yelling at someone else, and Poseidon had gotten so mad at Hera for calling his son a "hunk", that she was now drowning in a bubble of water.

Chiron sighed. The Olympians were even less mature than their children. And, compared to Connor and Travis Stoll, that was saying something.

He often wondered if he had made the right decision in choosing Emma to watch the camp. She could be very insensitive. He decided to iris-message just to make sure.

The rainbow shimmered into existence in front of him, and he listened as a little girl who had just arrived a month ago told Emma she missed her Mommy. Emma patted her head and told the girl her mother probably didn't miss her because she was very whiny. The girl burst into tears.

Chiron sighed and cut the connection. It looked like he would have to go back to Camp. He made for the door, intent on saving his poor pupils from destruction on Emma's part, when the doors slammed shut.

"No one leaves until we've figured this out!" Zeus' voice boomed. Great, Chiron thought, we'll be here all year.

* * *

Yay! Second chapter finished! I hope you like it!

(And thank you to percabethalways and Hunter of Artemis 140! :D)

PS I don't own Percy Jackson cuz if I did Nico would not have been sitting in a jar, slowly dying.

~Maggie


	3. Chapter 3

Annabeth smiled at the assembled demigods. The leader(s) of every single cabin was in the Athena Cabin, even the Hypnos Cabin leader, Clovis. She was very proud of herself.

"Okay, guys, we're going to do a KWL chart." She smiled brightly.

"What's a KWL chart? Is it like a BLT chart?"

"No, Connor, it is not like a BLT chart. It's a know/want/learn chart."

"I want ice cream! Put it in the 'want' column!" Travis yelled.

"Travis, you idiot, it's what you want to know about a subject!" Katie yelled back.

"I didn't come here to go to school!" Nico yelled, even louder than Katie had.

"You're not going to school! I'm trying to save the Camp!" Annabeth screamed.

"By doing a KWL chart?!" Jason screamed back.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LET ANNABETH TALK! GOD!" Piper yelled over everyone else.

Everyone settled down and looked expectantly at Annabeth.

"As you all know, Chiron has hired some sort of crazy person to be camp director in his and Mr. D's absence. We're going to do a KWL chart to help us understand her better. Any questions?"

"No? Even from you, Connor? Well, that's great, I guess. We'll start by filling in the first column. What do we know about Emma?"

"She's Chiron's friend."

"She likes making people feel uncomfortable."

"She thinks Nico's anorexic."

"She calls me the impish Latino boy."

"Leo, you are an impish Latino boy."

"Emma likes taking walks in the woods."

"She enjoys drinking from her thermos and doesn't eat anything."

"She gets bored at Camp."

"She laughs at other people's misfortunes."

"Okay. Now, based on the information we gathered, what are some things we want to learn about Emma?"

"Why she thinks I'm anorexic."

"How is she Chiron's friend?"

"Why doesn't she eat anything?"

"What's her back story?"

...

"Nobody else? Okay. At the end of the week, or whenever she leaves, we're going to write in things we have learned about her in the "learn" column. If any of you, during the week, have any more ideas for the KWL chart, just write them on. I'll let Malcolm know so he can disable the booby trap system for you."

"The _what_?"

* * *

Chiron's decision to go to the emergency meeting was looking more and more like a mistake with every passing second. Zeus was passed out on the floor, drunk. Hera and Poseidon were both in a heated argument about her "plan" and Athena was the only one doing anything productive by trying to call for help. Chiron was stuck dragging drunk, passed out gods to bedrolls because even Zeus couldn't get the door open. "Olypiams no how too paaty…" one grumbled in his sleep.

Chiron sighed and walked over to Hephaestus and Athena, who were collaborating on some bomb that would open the door.

"Look, it's like Zeus said. No one leaves until we've figured it out." He sighed.

Athena looked stricken. "But, that could take _years_! We've only got _days_!"

"So, you're saying the only way to get out is to work together?" Hephaestus grumbled.

"Yes, and fast. Emma is my friend, but I can't leave the camp in her hands. It was a mistake."

"Well, we're going to have to wait until all these drunken gods wake up. In the meantime, who isn't drunk?" Athena muttered.

"Hera, Hades, Hephaestus, you, me, Poseidon, Nike, Hestia, and Artemis."

"Okay. I've got a plan. Let's assemble the troops."

* * *

A few minutes later, all the non-drunk gods were sitting in a circle, listening to Athena's plan.

"First, we tie up all the drunken gods with indestructible rope. I believe in being prepared, so I have enough with me for all of them. They're probably gonna be too hungover to notice, anyways. Then, once they all wake up we get Poseidon to splash them with water so they're awake. Then we tell them about Zeus' mistake and what we're gonna do about it. Okay?"

Everyone slapped hands and went to work, tying drunk gods to whatever surface was available. Tables, chairs, chandeliers, other gods, thrones, walls, floors, staircases, clocks, anything. One god even got tied to a convenient slip 'n' slide.

Then Poseidon unleashed the power within and all the gods woke up to a tsunami of water to their faces.

"All right people, let's get this party started!" warbled a very drunk Zeus. _Ugh…_ Hera thought. _I liked him better passed out on the floor._

"Ohh Oh Oh Oh, international love!" Apollo sang. Artemis slapped him across the face.

* * *

2 Chapters in one weekend! Yeah! :D

~Maggie


	4. Chapter 4

Travis smirked at a sleeping Katie while wiggling her journal out of the crack between the bed and the wall. He would just read it then put it back and have all kinds of blackmail to torture her with.

He flipped it open to the first page. _I hate Travis Stoll._ He flipped to the next page._ Ha, you're such a sucker, Travis. I wouldn't write my thoughts down for seven trillion dollars._

What? This was not possible! Katie Gardner had pranked Travis Stoll, master of pranks! She would pay, he seethed, walking back to his cabin to get his silly string.

* * *

Emma smiled. It was such a beautiful morning to become temporary dictator. The birds were chirping and the stupid campers were screaming…

"Oh, what now?" She muttered, putting on her shoes.

She walked outside to find a girl covered in silly string yelling at a boy who was waving a thin book around.

"What is this, Mr. Stoll and Ms. Gardner?" She growled, since they had ruined her perfect morning.

"Travis read my diary and then sprayed me with silly string!" Katie screamed.

"It was a fake diary! And anyone who pranks Travis Stoll gets their asses handed back to them!" Travis yelled.

"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU TWO! ALWAYS ANGRY ABOUT SOMETHING! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU WERE BOTH BABIES FOR TODAY?!" Emma yelled, and there was a flash of light and two thumb-sucking babies took the place of the two whiniest kids in the entire camp. Baby Travis pointed at Baby Katie and laughed a gurgly baby laugh, and Katie tried to put him in a choke hold, but she couldn't walk, so she fell over.

Emma sighed and picked both of them up on different arms, because they were still fighting with each other and Katie was trying to bite Travis, but she didn't have any teeth.

* * *

"Connor. Connor Stoll. Get up. Connor! I turned your brother and his girlfriend into babies!"

"But Travis doesn't have a girlfriend!"

"You're not even remotely surprised I turned him into a baby? You're just surprised I called Katie his girlfriend?"

"I should have seen this coming! He's going to abandon me!"

"No, he's not. He can't even walk."

"Well, in that case-"

"And you're in charge of both of them!"

* * *

Later that morning, at breakfast, Emma put up the new rules and the new schedules. They went like this:

Get up

Eat breakfast

Brush your teeth

Do allotted chore

Endurance training

Eat Lunch

Mythology class

History of war

Free time

Eat dinner

Free time

Go to bed

"And the chore rotations are posted on the door to every Cabin, except Aphrodite because I didn't want to go near it because it will taint me. In other news, I may have turned Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner into babies, but it will wear off eventually and you'll have the same old freakishly annoying Travis and Katie back. Also, if there appears to be a girl who maybe looks like me, but is older than me inside the camp boundaries, please stay away from her because she's allergic to children. Thank you!"

The campers were slightly used to Emma by now, so they knew to do their allotted chores and then went to Thalia's pine tree to start endurance training, whatever that is.

"Everyone knows the story of Marathon, right? Well, for those of you that don't, the Persians were attacking it because it was in the way of their goal, Athens. One of the generals in Marathon chose his best sprinter to take the news to Athens, so the poor guy ran 27 miles to Athens and dropped dead after he delivered the message. So, today, you'll be running a marathon!"

Everyone groaned.

"But don't worry, everyone will be running it except kids under 12, Jake Mason, or whoever that kid in the body cast was, and Connor Stoll, because he's on babysitting duty."

"Readysetgo."

By lunchtime everyone was sweaty and smelly, even Connor, because he was looking after half the camp and two arch nemesis babies.

Connor wanted his stupid older brother to grow up, already.

* * *

Far away, high on Mt. Olympus, the gods were still drunk. It had taken awhile for the giggles to wear off, and now they were only slightly drunk. But they were still drunk and they were still stuck.

Apollo had become sober after Artemis slapped him, but the gods were still going nowhere on how to defeat Gaea. Hera's plan was already set in stone and could not be reversed, but the Romans and the Greeks still hated each other nonetheless. Aphrodite (who was still drunk) was babbling about something called "percabeth" and how it could save the earth and Ares said the gods should kill all their children so they wouldn't have this problem.

Chiron, Hephaestus and Hades were sitting in a corner, trying to block out the sound of their arguing and being generally antisocial.

"I'VE GOT IT!" bellowed Zeus. "LET'S DRINK MORE BEER!"

"YOU ARE ON A DIET, MISTER, AND YOU _WILL NOT_ BE DRINKING _ANY_ MORE BEER!" Hera pointed at the beer, and it imploded.

"Awww, but honey…"

"NO BUTS!"

* * *

I'm so sorry I haven't uploaded, I even had a snow day and I didn't do anything! (I'm such a procrastinator)

Thank you soo much to Natalie Potter the Time Lady, DerpyNightshade, and shitty-hellokitty.

Also, about my "badass sister", Olivia, I told her someone said that and she was like: "Shit yeah! Hasn't anyone noticed my total badassness by now?"

I thought it was funny. :D

~Maggie


	5. Chapter 5

Destiny sighed. It was bad enough she had to leave right in the middle of _Downton Abbey_ to bring the goddamn snake to Camp Half-Blood, but now this? "You are _not_ telling me your car broke down."

"Sorry, Aunt D, looks like you'll have to walk the rest of the way there." Her nephew, Jared, shrugged, lifting up the hood of the car to look at the smoking insides.

"THIS IS SO NOT WORTH IT!" She screeched, dragging the huge reptile with her.

By the time she got there, ten hours later, she was tired, hungry, sweaty and thirsty and she wanted to punch her little sister in the face and murder her snake.

She marched down the hill towards the dining pavilion, which was the only place with any source of light or sound in the whole camp.

"Oh, hey Des-"

"Stop it right there, missy. 2 things. One, what the fuck is on your head?"

"Oh, it's my crown. I am the dictator of Camp Half Blood as of right now."

"Well, that's just great. Take it off, it looks like shit. Two, why did I have to drag your huge pet snake across the country _again_?"

"Scipio will be my leverage so everyone in this puny camp will do what I want."

"Well, take your leverage so I can get back to watching _Downton Abbey_!"

Emma picked up Scipio, who immediately wound around her arms and neck like some sort of creepy bracelet/necklace thing. "How did you get here anyway, Destiny?"

"Jared drove me, until his car broke down in New Jersey. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed."

"But there isn't a bed for you here."

"Well, I hope you don't expect me to walk all the way back to San Francisco, California at eight thirty at night." Destiny whirled around and stalked towards the Big House. "Nice to see you again, Jason."

Jason stared at her. "Do I know you?"

"No."

At breakfast the next morning she was gone.

* * *

Leo looked at the oatmeal the bored nymph had blessed his place with. "Man, why can't they serve Doritos for breakfast?" he whined to his sister Nyssa, who ignored him and continued to read the newest edition of _Seventeen Magazine_. "Hello? Nyssa?" Leo waved his hand in front of her face. It was like her face was glued to the page. "I didn't even know she read that junk!" he told his brother.

"It gets better after you've been with her through several issues." Leo's brother patted his shoulder.

Leo went back to eating his bland, tasteless oatmeal.

"Holy shit! Annabeth's lost her touch! She'll be killed!" One of the Apollo kids (Leo thought his name was Will or something) leaned over to whisper to Leo.

"Or end up in the hospital wing for several weeks." Leo whispered back.

Annabeth had seated herself next to Emma, and even though she had left plenty of room between them, it was closer than most sane demigods would ever dare to go.

"Do you have any other siblings, Emma?" Annabeth asked. It was obvious to Leo she was making a pathetic attempt at small-talk.

Emma gave her the stink-eye.

"Well, I was just curious…"

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to inform you I have one other sibling, besides my sister Destiny. His name is Liam, and he's married to a lady named Sara."

"Oh." Annabeth went back to eating breakfast, silently pondering the information she was just given. "Who are your parents?"

"I would not like to disclose that information at this time." Emma said. "Eat your porridge."

"Um, this is oatmeal…"

"Well, you should get out of my face."

* * *

"Well everyone, since most of you were here yesterday, except Clarisse and you, whatever your name is, because you thought it would be funny to go snog your faces off in the woods, you'll be punished, by the way, I will not bother re-administering the test. There were 13 children who got 100%, who happen to be the entire Athena cabin and no one else. Everyone else failed."

Emma handed out the quizzes. "Yes, Connor?"

"I got an 85! How is that not a passing grade?"

"Because I have better standards than those superficial public schools. And actually, it appears you have the second highest grade."

"How hard did you make that test?!" Clarisse cried.

"It was mainly about Machiavelli, Shaka Zulu, Joan of Arc and King Leonidas, who are what we will be focusing on in this class. Apparently you'd never heard of them before."

"I'll say! I made a picture out of the Scantron bubbles and still got a 64.2!" Leo exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, no one cares, Latino dwarf boy." Lou Ellen cried.

"If I'm a dwarf, I call being Thorin!"

"He's hot!" Drew cried. "For a dwarf, I mean."

"I know! He's got such nice sad eyes!" Nyssa swooned, pointing to a picture in her magazine.

"WHY DIDN'T _I _GET THAT ISSUE?!" Travis yelled.

*silence*

"Well, on that somewhat horrifying note, we will end this conversation." Emma said, staring at Travis like he was mad.

"HI GUYS! Am I late?" Nico skipped into the arena, wearing a pink tutu and pink converse, with an ACDC shirt and his aviator jacket. "I'm just so happy today, and I, like, want everyone to be happy! You should, like, totally listen to some of Mahatma Gandhi's speeches for audio book. They, like, totally changed my life."

"Nico, are you on happy pills?" Someone asked.

"Ooh, what are happy pills? I want some!" Nico gave a blinding, 1000 watt smile.

"What did you give him this time, Connor?" Jason groaned.

"It wasn't me!" Connor protested.

"Guys, I've just decided to, like, give people hugs, 'cause hugs are, like, awesome." Nico babbled, still smiling like a crazy person.

*silence*

"Rabid pickles!" Leo yelled.

"Where! Where! I want a rabid pickle! It would, like, make an awesome pet!" Nico smiled and flounced around, looking for rabid pickles to capture and keep as pets.

"Dude, I was just trying to break the silence. There are no rabid pickles." Leo said.

"Well, that's okay! You're still, like, my bestie!" Nico giggled as he bear-hugged Leo.

"I'm sorry; I'm just going to take some aspirin. I'll be right back." Annabeth groaned, clutching her head. She was quickly followed by the rest of her siblings.

"Okay! I'll see you later!" Nico bear-hugged each one as they left.

"INTERVENTION! Nico, sit back down and tell me the last thing you remember." Emma said.

"I don't know, I mean, like, live in the present! Zen Buddhism is the way to go, man!" Nico smiled and made to hug Emma, too, but she grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back.

"Okay, okay, I was going to go to the bathroom, you know, 'cause I needed to and I was already gonna be late for class and all that, but I don't remember ever going out. All I remember is a tall, faceless man." Nico said, smiling even though his arm was about being ripped off.

"Well, you're screwed and it's not my problem. And if Slender the Drug Dealer is hiding in the bathrooms, the Athena Cabin is probably screwed too. But it's not my problem, and you can go sit down and be a good little boy so I can finish the lesson." Emma smiled and patted his head.

"Wait, Slender the Drug Dealer? I thought Slender was the guy who killed you in the game Slender." Piper said.

"No, he gives you drugs. Didn't you learn about this in school? Slender danger?" Emma quirked up one of her eyebrows.

"Um, we learned about Stranger Danger…" Some people chorused.

"See? I told you those public schools were overrated." Emma said, shaking her head. "They teach you absolutely nothing!"

"So, you're saying that Slender just _teleported_ to Camp Half-Blood?" Lou Ellen sounded shocked.

"Well, he usually hangs around dark alleys and stuff, but there's no reason he couldn't. He'll probably go away in a few hours though." Emma said, turning back to her lesson.

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" a manly scream echoed from the boy's lavatories.

Malcolm came tearing back into the arena, panting, with a terrified expression on his face.

"Well, I suppose I should go take care of this." Emma sighed, looking away from her complicated battle diagram that was covered in lines and squiggles.

She walked towards the boys bathroom, and a couple minutes later, sounds were heard, like an AK-47.

Emma came back in, but with an ammo belt strapped across her chest and carrying a large gun. "Okay, he's gone and won't be coming back."

*silence*

"Well, I didn't realize you were liscensed to use AK-47s in New York State." Jason muttered.

"This was mainly a precaution in case something like this happened, but I could always get into the habit of using it for punishment..." Emma aimed it at Jason's face.

* * *

Chiron was pretty much done after Zeus started to sob and yelled, "F**k you, you m********kers!" at anyone who walked past him, because his hangover got so bad, and no one really had any great ideas about working together, except a therapy group setting, and Ares' _great_ idea to kill everyone so they wouldn't have to deal with life anymore during the therapy group. Thank God they restrained him after that, but it led to a teary outburst complete with speeches about 'forbidden love' and 'love's healing powers' from Aphrodite, so most of the gods were convinced a therapy session was _not_ the way to go.

He decided to take matters into his own hands twenty seconds later, when Thalia, the Muse of Tragedy, wrote a song about how all the gods would be trapped forever, and die in one another's arms. It brought at least eight people to tears, whether from sadness or desperation, the world may never know. He took away her lyre and told her to go and sit in the corner, like a bad child.

Now, to implement his plan…

* * *

I finally updated. It took me like a month, but I did it! (I told you I was a procrastinator!)

AN XTRA SPECIAL THANX TOOOOO: Beaulover, Amandla123, and Potato Jam 7! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!

Have a really happy Wednesday,

~Maggie


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, Emma! When's Capture the Flag?" Connor asked.

"What?"

"Capture the Flag…"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"But, we play it every Friday night! You can't _not_ know what Capture the Flag is." Connor looked scandalized.

"Well, I've never even heard of this game, so if you really want to play it, do it yourself."

Connor smiled like a Cheshire cat. This was his chance to fix all the problems in Capture the Flag.

* * *

"_Capture the Flag: Oppa Connor Style!_" Annabeth read. "_Friday night, 9:00 to 12:00._"

"Well, at least it'll be interesting." Katie muttered.

"I know, right? Last week was so boring…" Piper groaned.

"Hey gals! What's up?" Jason called, walking (or more like swaggering) over.

"Connor's taken over Capture the Flag." Piper gestured towards the flyer.

"Jason, what's wrong with you? You're walking really funny." Annabeth asked.

"Leo says I have to work on my swagger!" Jason said.

"Is that why your pants are pulled down past your butt?" Katie quirked an eyebrow up.

"Yeah, Leo says it looks really awesome."

"Well, at least he didn't trick you into wearing heavy gold chains." Annabeth muttered, head stuck in a book.

"Actually I'm going to get them from the Aphrodite Cabin."

"And to think I actually thought you had some sense." Katie muttered.

* * *

"Alright, people! You can stop talking amongst yourselves!" Connor yelled into his megaphone.

"Bro, why are you dressed like Sherlock Holmes?" Travis yelled back.

"It's _Watson_, Travis. Get your head screwed on straight." Connor yelled.

"Everyone, give Connor your attention." Jason reprimanded, like everyone were bad toddlers.

The people that didn't notice his appearance earlier now burst out in peals of laughter.

"Dude, it's hard to command respect with your pants 'round your ankles." Connor smirked.

"Nice Superman undies, Superman!" Travis laughed.

Jason reddened.

"Well, anyway. I asked Emma about Capture the Flag, and she didn't know what it was. She told me to do it myself, so I made up totally new rules!" Connor smiled.

"First, you can use the whole camp to hide your flag, which are the same as always."

"Second, you can choose your team, and it doesn't even have to be with any of your cabinmates!"

"Third, I am invincible! None can harm me!" *cue evil laugh*

* * *

Annabeth crept along the edge of the woods, towards the cabins, Jason trailing along behind her. He was making as much noise as a baby elephant.

"Do you think Piper still likes me?" He whined.

"Yes, yes, now be quiet." Annabeth shushed him, and darted across the lawn in front of the original cabins, and along the left wing.

"I really acted like an idiot, didn't I? I can't believe I believed Leo. I mean, can you believe me?"

"Yes, because I saw you. Now _shut up_!" Annabeth hissed. They were in front of the Hades Cabin, where Nico was sleeping off his drugs. Annabeth could see the flag from where she was standing; it was on the dock, like some terrible reminder of her boyfriend. Now she was in a terrible mood.

"Look, Jason. That's the flag, see? We need to get there without being seen." Even though she was in a terrible mood, she had to appreciate the genius of whoever hid it there. It was in the middle of a relatively flat part of the camp, and if you stationed a scout on a nearby hill, no one could go anywhere remotely near it.

"If I put on the invisibility cap, once I move the flag they'll probably ambush me. But if you go get it, you could fly away from the other people."

"Okay." Jason said, walking straight towards the flag.

"NO! PUT ON THE INVISIBILITY HAT, YOU IDIOT!" Annabeth yelled.

Jason pointed at something flying in the air towards them. "What's that?"

Some hidden archer was sniping on them with plungers from the woods.

"OW!" Jason yelled, as he was hit ruthlessly in the crotch by a plunger.

"RUN, YOU FOOL!" Annabeth screamed, dragging him up from rolling on the ground in agony.

"Yes, Gandalf!" Jason squeaked, running towards an unspecified location.

* * *

Hey guys? I'm sorry for the long wait... I told you I was a procrastinator...

BUT ANYWAY...

Yeah... *awkward silence*

~Maggie


	7. Chapter 7

Emma was tired. She had been wearing herself out all week trying to control the crazy campers, who had worse manners than their parents and came up with something annoying to do every day. She needed to relax.

She needed to go to the beach.

Unfortunately she had to bring the campers, too. Chiron had expressly forbidden her from going anywhere without the campers, and she didn't want to make him upset.

So that morning she announced that the campers were taking a short, optional field trip and whoever stayed behind would be eaten by harpies.

Then she had loaded them onto the Camp Half Blood Official Bus of Doom and made Whatshisname Stoll drive, because it would look weird if she had been driving.

She had made Katie Gardner in charge of the Google Maps printout of the directions in a last-minute bid to make them cooperate.

"Shut up, Katie! You're such a backseat driver!"

"Look who's talking! Are you drunk or something? You can't even stay on one lane!"

"How could you think I would stoop that low?!"

"YOU MISSED THE TURN! YOU MISSED THE TURN! DAMN YOU, TRAVIS! WHAT WERE YOU DOING?"

"LISTENING TO YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW I'M SUCH A TERRIBLE DRIVER, MAYBE?"

Most of the other campers were listening to Katie and Travis yell at each other and miss exits off the interstate and swerve off into the guardrail.

Clarisse and Chris were making out in the backseat and instinctively everyone moved to the front of the bus.

Jason, Piper and Annabeth were speaking in conspiratorial whispers, and Leo appeared to be very bored and trying to light a flame on his hand, but only looked constipated instead.

Lou Ellen, Rachel and Connor were making bets about how long it would take before Katie and Travis started getting physical.

"Last time it only took thirty minutes, I say she's gonna be punching him before five minutes are up."

"Nah, I say they're going to drive off a cliff before-"

_SLAP!_

"WHAT THE HELL, KATIE!" Travis yelled, taking one hand off the steering wheel in order to caress his 'maimed' cheek.

"YOU SO DESERVED IT! THAT'S THE EIGHTH EXIT YOU MISSED!"

Emma sighed and stared out the window, trying to ignore the screaming campers (who had given up watching Travis and Katie and were now running around haphazardly and climbing over seats) and find her Happy Place.

_How does Chiron even control them?_ She thought, as an Apollo kid who said he was the incarnation of Legolas climbed through the emergency hatch on the ceiling.

The bus ride took 3 hours and 2 tanks of gas longer than Emma had meant it to be, but eventually they got to the beach at Coney Island, which was actually quite nice around March, if you didn't mind the cold and liked wind chill of -8, which Emma did. The same could not be said for many of the campers, and that Annabeth girl looked positively green, but nonetheless Emma got her swimming gear bag from the seat she was sitting on (and Scipio, of course) and got out of the bus, breathing in the oceany smell that she loved.

She told the campers they could stay on the bus or walk around within a 200 yard radius in groups of two. Connor and Leo spotted some "hot girls" and went running after them, and Piper and Jason and Chris and Clarisse ran off just as quickly in search of some café to make out in.

One by one, the campers paired up, until it was only Travis, Katie and Annabeth on the bus. Travis was looking around like he was wondering where his friends went.

"Why does everyone have a girlfriend but not me?" He asked in his trademark whiny voice.

"Uh, maybe because you prank everyone and yell at people-"

"ME? Yell at people!? I don't yell! You yell!"

"Excuse me?"

"You are like permanently on your time of the month!"

"WHAT?!"

Emma sighed and left them to bicker, walking down the wharf.

"Hey, Emma! Wait up!" A sickeningly familiar voice called.

"What, Travis?" She turned around.

"Katie went off with Annabeth and I had no partner, so I was wondering if I could be yours."

Emma eyed Travis warily, but shrugged. "I guess."

"Ooh, look, it's a baby giraffe stuffed animal! Can we get it? Can we get it?" Travis looked like a five year old, pointing at an ugly plush giraffe on the sides of one of the rigged games.

"Uh, no. Besides, those games are rigged."

"Couldn't you do that magic thingy? Like, chapow and it would appear in my arms?"

"No."

"Awww." Travis pouted until he saw a video game store. "Oh! Oh! Let's get _Insane Zombie War 12_! It has virtual machine guns and power upgrades, like in _Insane Zombie War 11_, but better!"

_This kid is so bipolar_… Emma thought. _Stuffed animals and Zombie games? _And_ he acts like a five-year-old, no wonder Katie is so annoyed by him._

"Hey, what's in that bag?" Travis asked pointing at the bag she was carrying.

"Mortal deterrents and swimming clothes." Emma sighed, looking for a bathroom so she could change (and get away from Travis for a while).

"Oh, what are mortal deterrents? Can I buy them somewhere?"

"Sure. Oh, there's a bathroom. I'll go change."

20 minutes later Emma came out of the bathroom decked out in a floral hippie dress, too-big sunglasses, rainbow clown wig, ugly brown sandals, and one of those hats where you put the cans of soda on the sides and drink out of the straws.

She smiled at Travis, and offered him the bag. "I left some for you!"

20 minutes later Travis came out of the bathroom dressed in clown shoes, Elvis knockoff pants (complete with sequins!), a puffy snow coat, a Mohawk wig and a reindeer nose.

When Travis and Emma walked down the street, all the mortals practically ran to get out of their way.

"Wow! This really does work!" Travis exclaimed.

"I know, right? I came up with the idea while I was visiting my brother in Moscow. There were these kids that came up to me and asked if I wanted any pot, and I ended up getting a lawsuit because what I did was technically illegal there, so I was like, 'If no one wants to approach me, no one will ask if I want any pot, and then I won't feel the need to ridicule them!'. So I made myself hideous."

Travis nodded. "I see. A brilliant plan."

Just then, Katie and Annabeth rounded the corner in front of them. Their eyes opened wide at the sight of them, and when Travis waved, they both swiftly walked back the way they came.

"I don't think they recognized us. Wanna freak them out?" Travis giggled.

Emma didn't see why not. These campers could be freakishly annoying.

She shrugged, and Travis and Emma tailed the two girls to the water fountain, where they stopped to get a drink.

"-so _creepy_! And then the tall one waved and it was like they _knew _us!" Katie was saying, looking over her shoulder in case the creepy people came back. Travis and Emma snickered from their vantage point in a convenient alley behind the restaurant where the water fountain was.

"I don't know how they allow those kinds of people in here." Annabeth muttered.

"Maybe they escaped from the circus." Katie said.

"Or an asylum."

Travis and Emma slunk back into the shadows while Katie and Annabeth walked past the alley.

"We have _got_ to tell Piper. She would flip." Katie proclaimed.

Then Travis and Emma walked with barely a sound behind Katie and Annabeth. All the onlookers looked freaked out.

"Oh my gosh, Piper! You will not believe what we just saw!" Katie yelled.

"Was it crazy clown people?" Piper asked.

"Oh my gosh, yes! Did you see them too?"

Piper pointed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! " Katie whipped around and screamed, while Annabeth launched a roundhouse kick at Travis and hit him in the groin.

"Ugh." He fell down, and Emma dragged him out of the way as Annabeth got ready for something that looked remarkably like a death blow.

Jason ran up at that moment, seeing a fight break out between two creepy stalker clowns and a dangerous, hormonal teenager.

"What's going on here?" He yelled.

Piper and Katie had recovered, and were now advancing on the 'clowns'.

"No, no, Katie, don't kill me, Connor would be unhappy!" Travis yelled as Katie got closer and closer to him, despite Emma's best efforts. It was a lot of work to drag someone who weighs 150 pounds across pavement when you weigh 95 pounds.

"Travis?" Katie asked.

"Please?"

"TRAVIS, YOU MANIAC, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A STALKER CLOWN! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

Annabeth delivered another kick to his groin. "That's for being you, dumba**."

Travis moaned, and Jason slung him over his shoulder.

"You're a bad influence on him." Piper muttered, eyeing Emma as she walked past.

Emma made a face at her back.

* * *

Chiron smiled as the buffering signal on the Iris-Message went away, replaced by a muscular blonde man who looked to be in his mid-thirties.

"Midgardian! I have waited for thee, my friend!" Thor the Norse Thunder god boomed.

"Hullo Thor. How've you been doing?"

"Excellent! Asgard has finally repelled the invading forces, and my faulty hammer was replaced with a more awesome one!" Thor boomed, holding up a war hammer.

"That's great... I don't really care."

"HA! You midgardians! You make me laugh!" Thor boomed.

"But anyway, I need your help."

"I will help if I can, my friend!" Thor boomed.

"I need you to bust us out of the Olympian Throne Room."

"Uh, sorry, I just remembered Loki was having his trial right now..." Thor ran out of the view of the Iris-Message quickly.

Chiron cancelled the Iris-Message and looked at the list of gods he had compiled with the help of Athena. There was only three other civilizations he had yet to Iris-Message: Egypt, that place in South America, and France.

He sighed as he Iris-Messaged Anubis.

"Gah! You Greeks! I was in the shower!" Anubis screamed, turning himself into a jackal, as Chiron averted his eyes.

"Well, sorry, but this is kind of an emergency..."

Anubis/Jackal snarled and ripped a towel off the wall to cover his... manly areas with.

"What _kind_ of emergency?" Anubis asked suspiciously as he continued to shampoo his greasy black hair.

"Uh, Zeus had an... accident."

Anubis rolled his eyes. "Of _course_ he did."

"99.99% of the population of gods are trapped in the throne room, passed out drunk."

"And what do you want me to do about it?" Anubis asked like a whiny child.

"Help us, duh."

"I'll ask Horus, but I doubt he can help you, either."

"You're the freaking god of the dead! You can go on the west side of the river!" Chiron cried, exasperated.

"Actually, I am _not_ the god of the dead, that's Osiris, but I can understand your confusion. I'm like your, oh, what's his name... Severus! Yes, I'm like Severus."

"Cerberus?" Chiron supplied.

"No, I'm pretty sure his name is Severus."

"Can you just help me?" Chiron pleaded.

Anubis sighed, but turned off the water. "Tell you what, you're closest to the 21st Nome, right? Okay, so I'll send them to bust you out."

Chiron smiled gratefully. "Thank you so much, Anubis!"

"No problem, Chiron. Now please, can I get dressed?"

Chiron cut the connection and smiled to himself, he would finally be out of here!

* * *

Yay! I've finally updated! *Does the Happy Dance*

AND, I actually, (for once) have an idea of how the next chapter will go! It will include guest stars and clown cars.

:) Thank you everyone.

~Maggie


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